My Girlfriend had decided we needed to take a break because she couldn't handle all the attackes from my exwife. The Exwife kept contacting her to try and get me to call...
GF April 4, 2009 at 8:00pm
I will not be passing your messages on to him. I'm out. You can pound your chest in triumph as your 'scored woman' saga paid off well for you. The pressure you've put on me and MY FAMILY as well as the guilt trips you're playing on him have made him push me aside.
For the life of me, I don't know he see in a hurtful, verbally abusive, manipulative woman like you. The things you have said to and about me and him are DISGUSTING.
You've played every one like an fiddle, my family included. So, you got what you wanted. You guys deserve each other. I'm out.
Mother April 4, 2009 at 9:41pm
As much as I appreciate you replying to me I don't believe you nor does it have any real bearing on my life. Something he used to say to me is that I couldn't make him do anything. Where the guilt trips are concerned .... as I've stated before they are childish, but they are also warranted. When someone takes a guilt trip, would the trip not be shorter if the burden of our actions were less?
What I mean is that when we make poor choices there are natural consequences and if we make less poor choices then there in turn would be less guilt trips.
In my eyes guilt is a healthy thing to be in touch with because it marks a difference between someone who has a conscience and someone who doesn't. If we don't want to feel guilty then it is up to us to make the better choices. We are not responsible for the decisions of others, even when we provoke them.
The 'Scorned Woman Saga' .... hmm, not sure what to say except that everything I shared was truth. Not once did I deny that I am scorned. Not once did I deny that I am acting in immature ways.The pressure you claim is something that came as a result of your actions. Feel free to blame me all you want, but I think you are intelligent enough to realize that you brought it on yourself.
If by "My Family" you mean your sister and the kids .... I have yet to be told by them how bad the pressure I applied to them is. Their choice to stay in touch with me and include me in on events tells me that I haven't put them in the proverbial pressure cooker to the point of being overdone.
So, is it fair to speak on their behalf? Besides, I've never been musically inclined so to play a fiddle in tune would be difficult for me. Says she who emailed John Howard Society trying to roast Kevin ..... Being a "hurtful, verbally abusive, manipulative woman like you. The things you have said to and about me and him are DISGUSTING." Hmm, Shall we revisit the What is Disgusting opinion lists? And at the risk of being hurtful or verbally abusive .... he helped me hone in on those skills.
Would you be so kind as to enlighten me on what exactly it is I want? And if this message is not a charade and the event is actually true ..... find solace knowing that you didn't spend 14 years and then get kicked to the curb.
Whether you want to hear this or not, ..... I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you and I even struggle with the feeling of needing to forgive you. Ask your sister about my dream I shared with her.
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GF April 4, 2009 at 10:56pm
What I wrote you is true. I know you are being honest when you talk to me or my family about me. What I've done to you and your girls, my own sister and her family is, in my eyes, unforgivable and know I can't fix any of it even if I tried.I don't even know what to say anymore.
I've never felt so hated by so many people in all my life. I've always been a good person up till my desires got the better of me.I've turned into a liar, & deceiver, an untrustworthy person and find it hard to live with to tell you the truth.
You're right. You've been right all along and I know it. I didn't want to hear/read it, but have to thank you for keeping that part of me, the part that wanted to imagine what I was doing was for 'love', anchored.
I'm sorry for ripping apart your family. I'm sorry for the lies I've told. I'm sorry for the extreme pain I've caused for you and your family/friends because I was only thinking of myself.I hate who i've turned into. i don't even recognize myself in the mirror each day.
Some times I think to myself "Who ARE you? Where'd I go"? I'm not asking forgiveness or sympathy from anyone I've hurt, yourself included because I don't deserve it. I won't except it if it were ever to be offered, even from my family.I am hurt that they've chosen to care more for you than me.
Some people say blood is thicker than water, but in my case, with every thing I've done, that is simply not true and I don't blame them one bit. I'm sorry for the Kevin thing too. I wasn't proud of that and thought I was helping him protect his girls. that was what that was about. Nothing more.
I'm sorry.I know you're probably going to have a come back email for me saying exactly what's on your mind. Again, I don't blame you for your fury. I have gotten, am getting and probably will get exactly what I deserve. I brought this on myself.
Don't forgive me, I don't deserve it. I've destroyed your home and family. Please tell my family when you see them next that I'm sorry as well. I'm going to leave them all alone because I can't face them knowing what I've done to them and what they think of me.
No matter how Christianity people try to be, there is always residual resentment, hurt and judgment. Even the thought of "Yeah, well, She got what she deserved didn't she".
And they're all right. I hate myself probably more than your whole church, you, your family, your friends, and some of my friends after your note to them combined. I don't know if I am able to live with it. I haven't decided which way out I'll would take, but know in my heart, I can't keep going carrying this weight. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.
Mother - April 5, 2009 at 12:58am
I disagree with you (big surprise, I know). Forgiveness comes to every level of disappointment. When we make gross errors in our choices there is always hope as long as there is effort in trying to correct ourselves. I can relate with you on feeling empty.
I can relate with you on feeling alone (and I'm not just talking about our current situation). And we all make choices at one point in our lives or another that are impulsive, hasty and with misfired passion. This is not just an old adage, but we are all good people, it is our behaviours that steer us in the wrong direction.
Sometimes some of us make the same mistakes because we have a hard time finding that "Ah-Ha" moment where everything will just click into gear. It doesn't mean that the hill we have to climb won't have bumps along the way or that we won't lose grip. And that is insanity .... when we do things over and over again expecting a different outcome.
The bottom line is that it is our choice on whether or not we are going to press forward, try to make a different choice so we don't have to endure the same pain next time. And I think that's where my explanation earlier came in. It's about me, regaining my soul and spirit.Please know that part of my "fight" with you wasn't necessarily about being right.
Alot of it has to do with bringing you awareness in hopes of saving you some wasted time and pain. That's not to say that Jason isn't worthy of love, because he is .... JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. I don't know exactly why, but a big part of me just wants to do whatever I can to help prevent someone else from getting hurt to the same degree as I did.
As if I have control of it anyway. Again, it's not just about my/our current situation. I have plenty of years under my belt of unnecessary hurt that could have been avoided.I appreciate and accept your apologies, for your contribution, but you are not solely responsible. If my marriage was strong enough to begin with the breakdown wouldn't have happened.
My apology for being rude, but here's a sarcastic news flash .... we already knew that you were thinking of yourself. Being accountable and taking responsibility of our actions is a huge step. Be strong knowing that you've taken it!
The answer to your question is that U are still in there, lost in the shell of deceit that was brought on by impulse and misled by desire.And although you're not asking for it, one beauty of forgiveness is that when we choose to forgive the recipient doesn't even have to know we're doing it. And again, I disagree .... whether you think you deserve it or not, it is still attainable. Sympathy on the other hand I do agree with you on that, and frankly you don't get it from me. Probably empathy is something I could offer you.I know you feel that your family is showing more care for me. Whether that is true or not I don't know.
What I do know is that they love you and feel for you. I know for a fact from conversations with Bekkah that she adores you.As for the Kevin thing ..... I know the motive behind it and I understand why you did it. My suggestion if there is a next time would be this ..... make sure you have the facts first. With Kevin specifically you can look him up yourself on the internet and in plain text it says, "alleged". And there is nothing to protect the girls from, but I do accept your apology.
You were right ... here I am emailing you with what's on my mind. However, it is not in fury and it is not in hatred nor is it in a smokescreen.I'm going to give you yet another piece of unsolicited advice ..... change your way of thinking because that is what will keep you poisoned and will help you create a self fulfilling prophecy.I may or may not forgive you regardless of what you feel because that is my burden to either carry or bury.
And as I said at the beginning of this letter, you contributed to the damage of my life but you are not solely responsible.I have sent Steve a copy of this message, so you've pretty much apologized to them yourself. Christian people, as we are so loosely referred to are also human beings. That is part of the reason why there are so many misconceptions. Just because we believe in Christ does not mean that we won't falter. Judgement, unfortunately is everywhere .... inside and outside the church.
Again, .... I don't hate you. I am sad for you because I can relate to the pain. You and I may have so much more in common than we realize. Your true friends won't deny you because of my actions.
Your true friends will stand at the finish line coaching you along and congratulating you for not giving up. Consider how someone who's lost a child can find the strength to carry on.
Sounds like lyrics to a song, lolSorry, I'm tired I don't mean to make light of your feelings. My point is that noone, and I mean NOONE ..... is worth taking yourself completely away.One way out is to take a deep breath, don't look up to see how far you have to go but just soldier on .... one step at a time.
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